


Dog Tired

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Missing Scene, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 21:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2888210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony helps Hulk with his new pet.</p><p>(Takes place right after Thor: The Dark World, but before Iron Man 3.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dog Tired

**Author's Note:**

> I fit this into an on-line Marvel Timeline, but you know, there are always discrepancies. I wouldn't worry about it.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Sir," Jarvis said, "you have a visitor."

"Yeah, no, later. Tell them I don't need whatever they're selling," Tony said without looking up from Mark... whichever number it was. This one was supposed to...well, do something awesome, but he was not exactly sure what flavor of awesome. Maybe tiger stripes and metal claws? 

Jarvis kept interrupting him with ridiculous stories about some sort of alien battle going on in London. Which was absurd. Aliens would go for the Big Apple, every time. Tony was a futurist. He knew these things. He knew them because he dreamed them every time he tried to sleep. Which was why he didn't do that very often. Bad sleep, bad, go away. Tony has suits to make to save the world and Pepper. Well, mostly Pepper, but Pepper wouldn't be happy if the world got wrecked, so he'll save that, too. He just needs more suits. Suits to cover every possible contingency.

"Sir, I would suggest..."

"Busy here, J. Let 'em wait."

"That may not be advisable, sir."

"Uh huh." Maybe teeth? Had he made a biting suit yet? Or maybe one that could extrude long 'hair', useful if you need rope? You know, sometimes you might need to capture the bad guys, maybe? Tony scratched his nose and considered it. 

"Sir, I really do think you should..." but whatever Jarvis was about to say was drowned out by a two-toned roaring howl. Part of which was kinda familiar.

"Oh, hey! Bruce is back!" Tony grinned and bounded up the stairs and towards the nearest window intent on greeting Hulk. "Huh." Tony skidded to a stop.

Hulk was standing next to the infinity pool, holding onto a length of what looked like mooring chain. The other end of the chain was looped around the neck of a big. Really BIG. Big scaly, bumpy gray beast sorta like the unholy offspring of a bulldog and an alligator. It was currently drinking from the pool in big, sloppy gulps. Hulk's other hand was scratching it between the short spines on its back. 

"PUPPY FOLLOW HULK HOME. HULK CAN KEEP?"

Tony bit his lower lip and considered it. Hulk gave him a sad look. "Is it housebroken?" Tony asked.

Hulk grinned and proudly said, "PUPPY BREAK LOTS OF HOUSES!"

"Huh." Maybe Tony ought to try sleeping. When the dreams were getting silly, that might mean they were safe. "Yeah. Ok. Sure you can keep your puppy." 

The 'puppy' lifted its head, drooling water into the pool. It sneezed and then licked its lips, revealing lots of big teeth.

"Hey, Jarvis, order up some dog food. Um... get the really big cans. Lots of them." Tony waved at Hulk. "Does Fido know any tricks?"

"SIT!" Hulk said and patted the monster on its haunches. It tried halfheartedly to bite him and then sat down with a grunt. "GOOD PUPPY!" Hulk patted the beast. It produced a rumbling noise that might have been a jumbo jet taking off, but under the circumstances was probably meant as a purr.

"Good job." Tony gave Hulk a thumbs' up. "Make yourself at home. I'm just going to go... yeah. Lie down for a minute."

 

It was more than a few minutes later, but far less than a normal night's sleep, not that Tony really remembered what that was like, when he gave up the pretense of resting more than his body. He wandered into the kitchen, blearily seeking caffeine. His foot hit something that skittered away with a clatter. He blinked and looked around. The counter and floor were littered with empty pound size cans of dog food. What was really disturbing was that they had been rolled up like toothpaste tubes. "Um." Tony nudged a can with his foot. It scraped noisily across the tile floor. It certainly felt and sounded real.

"Oh, hi, Tony. I made myself at home. Hope that's all right." Bruce walked up to Tony and handed him a mug of coffee. He was wearing one of Tony's AC/DC shirts and a pair of equally familiar grease-streaked jeans.

"Sure, fine." Tony had a couple deep gulps of coffee before his brain finished rebooting. "So... you got a dog?"

Bruce sighed. "Yes, well, that's a long story."

"I like long stories."

"I don't think we have time for one right now." Bruce made a follow me gesture, and led Tony into the living room, which was full of... creature. Lying on its back, with bloated belly uppermost. Snoring like an asthmatic bulldog. The armored tail swished lazily and knocked a lamp over. "I don't really want to wait until he wakes up to decide what to do with him."

Tony eyed the beast. He walked around it, and sniffed. It smelled like horsemeat. "So. Not a dream."

"No, not really." Bruce ran a hand through his hair. "I was in London when the aliens attacked."

Tony winced. "Sorry, Jarvis. Should have listened to you. So...sorry. I should have been there."

Bruce shrugged. "It all happened so quickly, you couldn't have got there before it was all over. Thor was there. He handled it. Place is a mess of course, but eh. Aliens, what can you do?"

"Oh." Tony had more coffee while moving away from the beast. "And they were all like this?"

"No, this just seems to have got caught up in a portal. It's a dumb animal, mostly it's just destructive when it's hungry. I called Jane and she told me the whole story. This apparently came from Loki's home world. Not Asgard. The other place. Jotunheim."

"Wow." Tony had more coffee and considered whether there were any donuts left or if he should have a gluten-free waffle. Delicious or healthy? Hard to choose.

"Yeah. It's very cold there. Jane didn't know a lot about it, but after they got Selvig out of the mental care facility he told them some things he learned from the Tesseract."

Donuts, definitely, this was not a gluten-free waffle sort of conversation. "Uh huh," Tony said brightly as he went back into the kitchen to pour more sugar in his coffee.

"Anyway," Bruce said, "Jane said that Selvig said that the Tesseract said that Jotun predators will hibernate if well fed and kept in a cold location, so I was hoping you could fly Fido to the arctic. I know a place. Nice, peaceful. Remote enough for Hulk to visit from time to time."

"Sure thing, big guy. I can do that. Jarvis, warm up Igor." Tony found a box of donuts in the fridge and picked up a Boston Creme before offering the box to Bruce. "Have a donut?"

"Yeah. Ok." Bruce picked up a donut. "Got any jelly-filled?"

Fido snored.

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the dog-monster at the end of the end of the end credits in Thor: The Dark World and just knew Hulk would want him as a pet.


End file.
